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  For this blog post, I want to explore Esther’s confused perception of reality as the novel progresses and she watches her life change for the worse. We talked about the dreamlike quality to Esther’s narration and her disconnection from other characters in class, but we never really got to talk about Esther’s disconnect from herself. I think it is important to highlight how much Esther changes as a narrator from beginning to end (although I’m only talking about the first half of the book), and what those changes signify. The first time the reader is shown Esther feeling disconnected is right after her strange outing with Doreen and Lenny which left her feeling completely disconcerted. She says I noticed a big, smudgy-eyed Chinese woman staring idiotically into my face. It was only me, of course. I was appalled to see how wrinkled and used-up I looked , and then later in her room proclaims I thought of crawling in between the bed-sheets and trying to sleep, but that appealed to me ...

     After discussing the notebook prompt “What would you say to Holden Caulfield?” during class, I find myself agreeing with everyone who thought that Holden needed a peer who could relate to him rather than another person who would just lecture him. So I was reminded of this discussion when I read the pivotal scene between Holden and Phoebe, where Holden decides he will go home instead of running away as he had previously planned. Phoebe arguably plays the role of a relatable peer during this scene, and not only relates to Holden but also scares him. It is jarring for Holden to see Phoebe mirror his own jaded views of the world, so seeing someone that he really cared about “becoming him” seems to be frightening enough that Holden starts to question his own concerning actions and outlook for the first time.       It is interesting that Holden’s first reaction to Phoebe's new attitude is shock, even though her plan was the exact same as Holden’s: to ru...